Frank Zappa Essentials, both Mothers and Non.

We all know about Frank Zappa, so I will skip a detailed biography for your perusal, but rather, will list what I feel are Zappa's essential albums, both solo and as a Mother of Invention. You will absolutely want to peruse my selections to the utmost, as the case might be. If you do not happen to own the albums that I am about to list, then by all means...locate yourself a third job, slacker. I work 40 hours a week to provide for my family, so don't act like you are better than me just because you graduated from college! Now then, here we go...

Freak Out! - This is the record that started it all back in the year of our Lord 1966, which was incidentally when The Monkees released their first album as well. Coincidence? Highly probable that it is, yes. Even those cranky drunks in Ween have no issue with the first offering by Frank and his filthy Mothers. Tunes like the hilarious "Wowie Zowie" simply can't be beat, and is a song that is certainly superior to an album by Pavement that sounded the same but was written slightly differently. While this album does not make obvious Zappa's epic guitar heroics, it clearly points him out as a contemporary composer of note. The Doo-Wop vibes on the record are sincere, as Zappa was reportedly quite a fan of the genre, which is essentially the music of his youth. The experimental streak, however, was there from the onset and is made obvious on such bizarre numbers like "Who Are The Brain Police?" It's a bit manifesto, a bit social commentary, and a whole lotta Doo-Wop, so dig in!

We're Only In It For The Money - Quite probably the most celebrated record by the original Mothers, and rightly so. Mocking Hippie values may have been commonplace in the more so rebellious forms of music in the late 70's, but in 1968? Sure, the Velvet Underground had a very subtle way of making clear their collective indifference to the Hippie juggernaut of the time period by essentially inventing the Goth look, but leave it to Zappa and his band of ironically long-haired anti-Hippies to spell out their disgust of the culture in plain English. When thinking about these bizarre little ditties on the record, such as "Flower Punk" and "Let's Make The Water Turn Black," one can't help but be quite aware that Zappa and his Mothers were literally decades ahead of their time. Also, I hear a lot of early Ween on this record, and perhaps much to their chagrin. Various weirdo twerps who rose to prominence in the corny Alternative Rock of the 90's essentially owe their very souls to this record. As always with Zappa, a lot of thought is put into the music. There is such a cohesion to these 19 cuts that it stands the test of time as to what the power of the album format can mean creatively, and is certainly better than the Beatles painfully overrated Sergeant Pepperoni.

Uncle Meat - Shucks, I would even think that Stereolab themselves owe at least a little something to this tasty and bizarre Jazz Rock masterpiece, keep in mind that Frank Zappa was essentially one of the accidental founders of the very genre. The epic monster that is "Uncle Meat", was actually the film score for what was ultimately and now quite obviously an unreleased film. This could very well be Frank's most powerful musical testament with the original Mothers. It is purely a musical experience that no established musician or casual music fan would want to ever dare make light of. Frank's compositional work on this record is complex as hell, and appropriately was a sort of sampler in a great many respects as to the sort of sound that he would feature on the best of his solo outings, and keep in mind that this is the last real legit original Mothers record as well. You seem to get the best of both worlds on this album, which could very well be argued as Frank's finest, as the weirdo humor of his merry band is well intact, but yet, there's a great deal of instrumental bliss throughout, and this is where Frank tends to shine best in his music.

Hot Rats - Indeed, Frank takes to being a solo artist like Condi Rice takes to being extremely ugly. Jazz Rock is born, my babies! You can't even front on this record, that is, if you had enough gumption to front in the first place, playa! Let's examine the Captain Beefheart contribution "Willie The Pimp." Damn good track, and it is here where Zappa really let's the listener know that he is in fact an inventive guitarist on par with the very best of them, no question. The opening cut is one of Zappa's most endearing and musically worthwhile compositions, and I am of course referring to "Peaches en Regalia." What a delicious record, I mean, it's practically fucking editable! GET YOUR MUNCH ON! The rest of the album unfolds like the masterpiece that it is, with one amazing extended Jazz Rock composition after the other. Simply tasty as fuck, and arguably the best.

Weasels Ripped My Flesh - Now this is when an album mishmash actually works, for this is when pubic hairs actually shave themselves and I totally shat you in a manner that is not! Here we have splendid live material of bizarre avant garde gems with such charming titles like, "Prelude to the Afternoon of a Sexually Aroused Gas Mask." Of course, there's the familiar Zappa sense of humor tossed in for good measure on cuts like "My Guitar Wants to Kill your Mama." Personally, for me, the best cut on the record is a little Bubblegum Pop jam tossed in simply entitled "Oh No." One of the last cuts on the record is a great jam called "Orange County Lumber Truck," and as always, Zappa knows how to structure an album, and to the point where the live cuts mingled with the studio material merge together in what can almost be referred to as musical bliss. You should really dig on this record, or chances are I might have to pummel upon your furry buttocks with my rancid caveman fists, and nobody wants that...

So, that's how I feel. I am one of those abstract conservative Baptist blokes who feel that Zappa was at his most musically worthwhile during the late 60's and very early 70's. I know many a man who will have qualms and say, "Dude, whereabouts Over-Nite Sensation?" But whatever! As for me, it isn't about the Zappa humor, which mainly appealed to Hipsters of the time period, but rather, I am observing Zappa when he made his mark with a sort of music that was timeless, and to where it was not 100% anchored to a certain time and place due to painfully dated humor. The records I have listed cannot be denied or ignored, so like I say, if you don't own them already, do indeed get your purchase on real horror show, mates.

Zappa & Beefheart set to some animation and the like as "Willie The Pimp" plays like all get out, my babies...