Review: Tom Waits - "Orphans"
Tom Waits Presents His Orphans… And Not The Type That Madonna’s Been Adopting.
Rating: 8.79999999999/10
Fact: Tom Waits is better than you.
It’s true. He’s cooler than you, cleverer than you, and he has a much more intimidating growl than you. He also looks better in a top hat than you do. Make no mistake, he will rock you, pick you up and drop you, swallow you whole, and regurgitate you back up. After all that, he’ll still beat you at a thumb wrestle war.
Now that that’s out of the way, this is about Tom Waits’ new(es) album of sorts, “Orphans. And no, we’re not talking` about the same type of orphans that your favorite diva’s been hunting for. These are Brawlers, Bawlers and Bastards – a three disc set that runs the gamut from demented beat-box jams to gorgeous ballads to monologues about bull penises, and yet still manages to sound distinctly like Tom Waits, and none other. Quite simply, it’s absolutely delicious. True “orphans” served up in bite size portions. (I’m simply making a funny joke at you – we don’t really eat orphans. That can cause salmonella poisoning.)
Perhaps you’re not familiar with Tom Waits. For the uninitiated, Tom Waits’ has been described by my main man/colleague Daniel Durchholz as having a voice that “sounds like it was soaked in a vat of bourbon, left hanging in the smokehouse for a few months and then taken outside and run over with a car a few times.” Quite simply, he’s better than your favorite band. Ever since his first record in 1973, the fantastic “Closing Time” (one last call for alcohol so finish…), Tom Waits has proved to be a rarity in popular music – a relic from the classic rock era who has yet to sink into mediocrity and start getting injured falling out of palm trees (*cough*KeithRichards*cough*). Rather, his music has become increasingly extreme, primal and downright beautiful – often sounding like a frenzied wooly mammoth in a cave, using slaves as percussion, yet still finding time to perform on the Daily Show.
So, recently Mr. Waits decided to put out a collection of rarities, outtakes, non-album tracks and the like. Tom wasn’t satisfied. He ended up writing new songs, rerecording old ones, and ended up with 3+ hours worth of music divided into CDs by theme. Fifty-six songs! I’m told 30 of them are new, 14 have been previously released, and the other 6... uh...Tom only knows (where I’d be without you…). We start off with “Brawlers”, a screamin`, grooving`, moanin`, absolutely gnarly collection of Tom Waits' signature rockers. From the funky shuffle of “2:19”, to the insane beat-boxing of “Lucinda” to the lovely “Sea of Love”; when “Brawlers” is on, it’s on. One stand-out track is “Road to Peace”, a strangely catchy track about the Arab-Israeli conflict, seemingly written out of newspaper articles. “They fill their children full of hate to fight an old man’s war, and die upon the road to peace,” Tom moans over a grooving’ polka rhythm. “If God is great, and God is good, why can’t he change the hearts of men?” the song wonders. Then there’s the obligatory religious slow-jam, “Lord I’ve Been Changed”, which even features a separate vocal track devoted to moaning and groaning. Dude!
“Bawlers” is the mellow set. The one to play your mother. The ballads, the love songs, the jazzy cuts, the second Ramones cover(!), the moments in which Waits actually sounds, maybe, 4% sane. As expected, quite a bit of the songs (especially towards the end) tend to blend together, but there are many, many pleasant surprises. “You Can Never Hold Back Spring” is a beautiful, timeless ode to everyone’s favorite (not really) season. “Widow’s Grove” features a gorgeous cello melody, and could very well be one of the downright prettiest (yes, I said pretty)songs Waits has ever written. “Little Man” is a sublime excursion into jazzy territory, complete with the horn fills, the piano teetering on the edge...the melody always reminds me of Radiohead’s “Life in a Glass House”, for some reason. “Little Drop of Poison” is a more upbeat, piano-led cut – is Waits singing or clearing his throat? It’s groovy, folks. I always start to lose interest towards the end of the disc, but disc three, “Bastards”, is enough to wake up a comatose cow.
Essentially, “Bastards” is the excuse for Waits to let his madness run loose, which is awesome for a plethora of reasons. The misfits, the weirdoes, the ridiculous spoken word monologues, the praying mantis mating habits, it’s all here. “Bastards” is my stop for my daily dose of psychotic schizophrenic genius, referencing everyone from Captain Beefheart to Bukowski to Nat King Cole. So, it starts off with the Fiddle on the Roof-on-crack polka of “What Keeps Mankind Alive”, which sounds like it could be a truly bizarre “Swordfishtrombones” reject. “Children’s Story” is the first of the spoken word experiments, a cryptic tale of a sad little boy, credited to Georg Buchner’s Woyzeck. Thanks Tom! Another highlight is “Army Ants” – (insect facts gathered from the World Book Encyclopedia), a ridiculous view into the Discovery Channel through the mind of Tom Waits. More demented beat boxing grooves on “Bone Chain”, and “Two Sisters” sounds like a bible reading by Captain Beefheart. Oh, lord, continue the journey. The Sparklehorse collaboration “Dog Door” is in attendance, with an electronic backdrop that almost evokes “Kid A”-period Radiohead. Not surprisingly, it fits in better on this record than on “It’s A Wonderful Life”, which, in actuality, is a wonderful album. “Spidey’s Wild Ride” sounds flat out inhuman, the closest Waits ever has and ever will come to gangsta rap. “King Kong” is catchier than any Daniel Johnston cover featuring roaring, blues guitar and a King Kong synopsis in the lyrics has any right to be. Oh, yeah, and Waits does comedy. Including a monologue about bull genitalia. Hear it yourself. On a scale of one-to-ten, “Bastards” is the bottom of the ocean, the spicy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life.
“Orphans” is no lame box set and it certainly ain’t fuckin` “Stadium Arcadium”. It’s a truly raggedy, wretched and frightening look at the past and the future of an amazingly unique artist, genital warts and all. Oh, yes – Tom Waits is better than you.
Now, I know I seem like a douchebag for quoting Pitchforkmedia again, but sometimes they get it right. At ease, sargeant!:
"So it makes sense to trisect his style, creating a disc for each faction of Waits' diverse audience: Brawlers for the dudes who dress and groom like Waits' stage character, Bawlers for the SUV drivers who found Waits by way of Rod Stewart, and Bastards for the people who thought the singer's high water mark was his role in Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula."
Here, ye shall find an MP3 of "Road To Peace" (copy and paste the links, my brothers): hxxp://www.sendspace.com/file/vzd9f6
Here, I present to you a crazy-silly video for "Lie To Me":
(copyright 2007 for Hilbert_Cheesecake productions)
Rating: 8.79999999999/10
Fact: Tom Waits is better than you.
It’s true. He’s cooler than you, cleverer than you, and he has a much more intimidating growl than you. He also looks better in a top hat than you do. Make no mistake, he will rock you, pick you up and drop you, swallow you whole, and regurgitate you back up. After all that, he’ll still beat you at a thumb wrestle war.
Now that that’s out of the way, this is about Tom Waits’ new(es) album of sorts, “Orphans. And no, we’re not talking` about the same type of orphans that your favorite diva’s been hunting for. These are Brawlers, Bawlers and Bastards – a three disc set that runs the gamut from demented beat-box jams to gorgeous ballads to monologues about bull penises, and yet still manages to sound distinctly like Tom Waits, and none other. Quite simply, it’s absolutely delicious. True “orphans” served up in bite size portions. (I’m simply making a funny joke at you – we don’t really eat orphans. That can cause salmonella poisoning.)
Perhaps you’re not familiar with Tom Waits. For the uninitiated, Tom Waits’ has been described by my main man/colleague Daniel Durchholz as having a voice that “sounds like it was soaked in a vat of bourbon, left hanging in the smokehouse for a few months and then taken outside and run over with a car a few times.” Quite simply, he’s better than your favorite band. Ever since his first record in 1973, the fantastic “Closing Time” (one last call for alcohol so finish…), Tom Waits has proved to be a rarity in popular music – a relic from the classic rock era who has yet to sink into mediocrity and start getting injured falling out of palm trees (*cough*KeithRichards*cough*). Rather, his music has become increasingly extreme, primal and downright beautiful – often sounding like a frenzied wooly mammoth in a cave, using slaves as percussion, yet still finding time to perform on the Daily Show.
So, recently Mr. Waits decided to put out a collection of rarities, outtakes, non-album tracks and the like. Tom wasn’t satisfied. He ended up writing new songs, rerecording old ones, and ended up with 3+ hours worth of music divided into CDs by theme. Fifty-six songs! I’m told 30 of them are new, 14 have been previously released, and the other 6... uh...Tom only knows (where I’d be without you…). We start off with “Brawlers”, a screamin`, grooving`, moanin`, absolutely gnarly collection of Tom Waits' signature rockers. From the funky shuffle of “2:19”, to the insane beat-boxing of “Lucinda” to the lovely “Sea of Love”; when “Brawlers” is on, it’s on. One stand-out track is “Road to Peace”, a strangely catchy track about the Arab-Israeli conflict, seemingly written out of newspaper articles. “They fill their children full of hate to fight an old man’s war, and die upon the road to peace,” Tom moans over a grooving’ polka rhythm. “If God is great, and God is good, why can’t he change the hearts of men?” the song wonders. Then there’s the obligatory religious slow-jam, “Lord I’ve Been Changed”, which even features a separate vocal track devoted to moaning and groaning. Dude!
“Bawlers” is the mellow set. The one to play your mother. The ballads, the love songs, the jazzy cuts, the second Ramones cover(!), the moments in which Waits actually sounds, maybe, 4% sane. As expected, quite a bit of the songs (especially towards the end) tend to blend together, but there are many, many pleasant surprises. “You Can Never Hold Back Spring” is a beautiful, timeless ode to everyone’s favorite (not really) season. “Widow’s Grove” features a gorgeous cello melody, and could very well be one of the downright prettiest (yes, I said pretty)songs Waits has ever written. “Little Man” is a sublime excursion into jazzy territory, complete with the horn fills, the piano teetering on the edge...the melody always reminds me of Radiohead’s “Life in a Glass House”, for some reason. “Little Drop of Poison” is a more upbeat, piano-led cut – is Waits singing or clearing his throat? It’s groovy, folks. I always start to lose interest towards the end of the disc, but disc three, “Bastards”, is enough to wake up a comatose cow.
Essentially, “Bastards” is the excuse for Waits to let his madness run loose, which is awesome for a plethora of reasons. The misfits, the weirdoes, the ridiculous spoken word monologues, the praying mantis mating habits, it’s all here. “Bastards” is my stop for my daily dose of psychotic schizophrenic genius, referencing everyone from Captain Beefheart to Bukowski to Nat King Cole. So, it starts off with the Fiddle on the Roof-on-crack polka of “What Keeps Mankind Alive”, which sounds like it could be a truly bizarre “Swordfishtrombones” reject. “Children’s Story” is the first of the spoken word experiments, a cryptic tale of a sad little boy, credited to Georg Buchner’s Woyzeck. Thanks Tom! Another highlight is “Army Ants” – (insect facts gathered from the World Book Encyclopedia), a ridiculous view into the Discovery Channel through the mind of Tom Waits. More demented beat boxing grooves on “Bone Chain”, and “Two Sisters” sounds like a bible reading by Captain Beefheart. Oh, lord, continue the journey. The Sparklehorse collaboration “Dog Door” is in attendance, with an electronic backdrop that almost evokes “Kid A”-period Radiohead. Not surprisingly, it fits in better on this record than on “It’s A Wonderful Life”, which, in actuality, is a wonderful album. “Spidey’s Wild Ride” sounds flat out inhuman, the closest Waits ever has and ever will come to gangsta rap. “King Kong” is catchier than any Daniel Johnston cover featuring roaring, blues guitar and a King Kong synopsis in the lyrics has any right to be. Oh, yeah, and Waits does comedy. Including a monologue about bull genitalia. Hear it yourself. On a scale of one-to-ten, “Bastards” is the bottom of the ocean, the spicy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life.
“Orphans” is no lame box set and it certainly ain’t fuckin` “Stadium Arcadium”. It’s a truly raggedy, wretched and frightening look at the past and the future of an amazingly unique artist, genital warts and all. Oh, yes – Tom Waits is better than you.
Now, I know I seem like a douchebag for quoting Pitchforkmedia again, but sometimes they get it right. At ease, sargeant!:
"So it makes sense to trisect his style, creating a disc for each faction of Waits' diverse audience: Brawlers for the dudes who dress and groom like Waits' stage character, Bawlers for the SUV drivers who found Waits by way of Rod Stewart, and Bastards for the people who thought the singer's high water mark was his role in Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula."
Here, ye shall find an MP3 of "Road To Peace" (copy and paste the links, my brothers): hxxp://www.sendspace.com/file/vzd9f6
Here, I present to you a crazy-silly video for "Lie To Me":
(copyright 2007 for Hilbert_Cheesecake productions)
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