Ten Reasons Why "The Beatles" Is The Supreme, Best and Mightiest Beatles Album!
In fourth grade, we learned the difference between fact and opinion. In fact, the example was:
Fact: That grass is green.
Opinion: That grass is too long.
Stoner: This grass is just right.
It is a fact that "The Beatles" (or "The White Album", as you kids lovingly call it) is better than all other Beatles records, and I shall prove it via this two-column, mathematical proof:
"The Beatles" - Every other Beatles album > 0
They did it all for the nookie!
10. It's so colorful! Truth be told, I find it astoundingly ironic that a record with a cover as blank (Frank!) as this:
...can contain music that can accurately be described as just plain...colorful. I mean, it's bursting at the seam with melodies, unpredictable harmonies, and more variety than was deemed acceptable back in the year of our lord, 1968. But more on that later...
9. It makes no sense! It makes perfect sense! I also find it incredible that the infamous sound collage of "Revolution 9" could be followed up with the sweet lullabye closer, "Good Night". But I suppose it ain't the variety per se that impresses me, but rather the way they make it just..work, like the hand of God floating on top of the Seine. It's like they invented punk rock ("Helter Skelter") and out-whimsicalled Of Montreal ("Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da") on the same slab of vinyl (and by "same slab of vinyl", I clearly mean "completely different slab of vinyl"), and make it seem like it's completely logical. In 1968, mind you. The year of our lord!
8. The band pictures in the liner notes. They all had mustaches except for John. Oh, rebels are soo dreamy!
7. "Happiness! Bang bang! Shoot shoot!" Yes, I'm devoting an entire number to a couple of seconds worth of background vocals. What da fuck you gon' do 'bout it, punk?
6. This is the closest the Beatles ever came to sounding like Ween. Because this album is a wacky collection of seemingly-unrelated, and often strange pop songs are united by....genius! It's like Ween's entire career condensed into one slab of vinyl (and by "one slab of vinyl", I clearly mean "two slabs of vinyl".)
5. The Beatles Have A Sense Of Humor. Now, when you're crying your cutesy little emo tears to such quasi-freak-nostalgic anthems as "In My Life", it's easy to forget that The Fab Four isn't afraid to just kick back and be regular old goon-dogs for a change. Continuing with reason #6, there are some downright band/genre parodies on here! "Back in the U.S.S.R" goofs on the classic Beach Boys stylee, "Honey Pie" gives us some delicious chamber-pop (sort of), "Rocky Raccoon" is like Bob Dylan-on-laughing gas, "Piggies" harkens back to the political allegories of old, "Yer Blues" = suicidal blues, and "Why Don't We Do It In The Road?" is a regular old, kinky sex-romp. Eww. I mean, ha! Sense of humor! Werd! Just call him "Weird Al" Lennon!
4. One hour, thirty two minutes, three seconds. It's been rumored that George Martin (the fifth Beatle! Oh wait, there were only four of them. I forgot.) begged the band to trim it down to a single album, but each band member had a song or two that just had to go on the album! Thank God Martin lost that argument. More Beatles = Better Beatles.
3. Songwriting. At the end of the day, it's the songwriting that counts. Not the sense of humor, not the length, not the variety, and not any of the other asinine reasons I came up with but don't feel like reading again. And, The Beatles Happening are thirty for thirty when it comes to constructing perfect pop songs. Shi-ka-ka! *bows*
2. "Wild Honey Pie" Hoooneeeyy piiieee!!!!!!! Hhhhhhooooneeeeyyy pppiiieeee!!!!!!!!!! (off-key acoustic guitar noodling) Lather, rinse, repeat. I love you, honey pie! This song is beyond description, but I dig it somethin' fierce. So do The Pixies - they covered it on that B.B.C. live album biz.
1. White power! Just kidding. No seriously, I didn't mean it. *does stand-up comedy at The Laugh Factory*
Yes, I'd like extra Ted Bundy with my Beatles!
Fact: That grass is green.
Opinion: That grass is too long.
Stoner: This grass is just right.
It is a fact that "The Beatles" (or "The White Album", as you kids lovingly call it) is better than all other Beatles records, and I shall prove it via this two-column, mathematical proof:
"The Beatles" - Every other Beatles album > 0
They did it all for the nookie!
10. It's so colorful! Truth be told, I find it astoundingly ironic that a record with a cover as blank (Frank!) as this:
...can contain music that can accurately be described as just plain...colorful. I mean, it's bursting at the seam with melodies, unpredictable harmonies, and more variety than was deemed acceptable back in the year of our lord, 1968. But more on that later...
9. It makes no sense! It makes perfect sense! I also find it incredible that the infamous sound collage of "Revolution 9" could be followed up with the sweet lullabye closer, "Good Night". But I suppose it ain't the variety
8. The band pictures in the liner notes. They all had mustaches except for John. Oh, rebels are soo dreamy!
7. "Happiness! Bang bang! Shoot shoot!" Yes, I'm devoting an entire number to a couple of seconds worth of background vocals. What da fuck you gon' do 'bout it, punk?
6. This is the closest the Beatles ever came to sounding like Ween. Because this album is a wacky collection of seemingly-unrelated, and often strange pop songs are united by....genius! It's like Ween's entire career condensed into one slab of vinyl (and by "one slab of vinyl", I clearly mean "two slabs of vinyl".)
5. The Beatles Have A Sense Of Humor. Now, when you're crying your cutesy little emo tears to such quasi-freak-nostalgic anthems as "In My Life", it's easy to forget that The Fab Four isn't afraid to just kick back and be regular old goon-dogs for a change. Continuing with reason #6, there are some downright band/genre parodies on here! "Back in the U.S.S.R" goofs on the classic Beach Boys stylee, "Honey Pie" gives us some delicious chamber-pop (sort of), "Rocky Raccoon" is like Bob Dylan-on-laughing gas, "Piggies" harkens back to the political allegories of old, "Yer Blues" = suicidal blues, and "Why Don't We Do It In The Road?" is a regular old, kinky sex-romp. Eww. I mean, ha! Sense of humor! Werd! Just call him "Weird Al" Lennon!
4. One hour, thirty two minutes, three seconds. It's been rumored that George Martin (the fifth Beatle! Oh wait, there were only four of them. I forgot.) begged the band to trim it down to a single album, but each band member had a song or two that just had to go on the album! Thank God Martin lost that argument. More Beatles = Better Beatles.
3. Songwriting. At the end of the day, it's the songwriting that counts. Not the sense of humor, not the length, not the variety, and not any of the other asinine reasons I came up with but don't feel like reading again. And, The Beatles Happening are thirty for thirty when it comes to constructing perfect pop songs. Shi-ka-ka! *bows*
2. "Wild Honey Pie" Hoooneeeyy piiieee!!!!!!! Hhhhhhooooneeeeyyy pppiiieeee!!!!!!!!!! (off-key acoustic guitar noodling) Lather, rinse, repeat. I love you, honey pie! This song is beyond description, but I dig it somethin' fierce. So do The Pixies - they covered it on that B.B.C. live album biz.
1. White power! Just kidding. No seriously, I didn't mean it. *does stand-up comedy at The Laugh Factory*
Yes, I'd like extra Ted Bundy with my Beatles!
Labels: the beatles
3 Comments:
Beautiful! My favorite Beatles album as well. I've just been listening to the LP on my turntable. Very delicious. One thing that's really sexy for me is that the songs that I used to not get into that much are the ones that I really get into now it seems. This album is *still* growing on me 11 years since I first heard it.
Haha, I know what you mean.
You'd think it'd be a pretty "Duh!" choice, but there are still lots of crazy cats that like to assert that "Revolver" or "Sgt. Peppers' Lonely Overrated Club Sandwich" is better. Like I said, crazy cats.
heh-heh. well I've gone through periods of rating revolver, pepper, and abbey road as my favorite... but i always would go back to the white album more often.
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