The Top Six Most Dangerous Albums to Listen to While Driving

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These days, it's rarely a secret that as many as 6,420,000 car accidents occur in the United States alone each year - that's a person killed every thirteen minutes. Perhaps such statistics are too sobering, too staggering even to really comprehend. We've all been through Driver's Ed and heard the various causes for these wrecks: there’s drunk driving, of course - that’s always a biggy. Fatigue. Road rage. Fatal distractions.

But the guarded holy secret is the correlation between driving ability and the silver compact disc spinning in the stereo. Join me on this quest for solid answers as we examine the top six culprits; namely, the records that are most likely to cause potentially fatalities if listened to behind the wheel. Note: Do not try this at home, kids.

Alvin Lucier - I Am Sitting In A Room (1969)

I've had this album...errr, piece playing while going to sleep every night for the past week or so. I can measure its success solely from the fact that I've never been awake to hear the end. And I suppose I can stop right here – it should be obvious why this doesn’t make ideal driving music.

But it’s important to note that the genius lies in the fact that it ain’t really music at all - rather, the introduction makes up the entire piece. See, Master Lucier recorded himself describing his intentions clearly: to record his own voice and play it back into the room. And record that re-recording. Over and over and over and over, "until the resonant frequencies of the room reinforce themselves, so that any semblance of my speech...is destroyed", thus "smoothing out any irregularities [his] speech may have." Remember the game Telephone? Ever seen a picture of a picture of a picture? Lucier revives this intriguing concept in audio form.

Result: Driver will be utterly mesmerized by Lucier's voice, leading to loss of consciousness and instant death after slamming into an intersection, thereby landing the vehicle in oncoming traffic.

Important note: The words "minimalist composition" and "driving" should never appear in the same sentence. Ever. Which brings us to our next selection...

Steve Reich - Music for 18 Musicians (1976)

Important driving tip: Drones are always unsafe. In reality, there’s nothing sexy about hypnosis from yellow road lines, and this magnum opus from Steve Reich will put you at great risk. Like I Am Sitting In A Room, this record has found great success in lulling me to sleep. Essentially, Reich composes a drone based around elevens chords which repeat over and over through various instruments and octaves for sixty-seven minutes, utterly addictive or obnoxious depending on one's mood. Strings and xylophones swirl and evolve through a haunting, multi-layered fantasy-land. A fantastic piece of music, yet utterly unsafe for the road.

Result: Car plunges straight off cliff at 60 mph. Driver too engrossed in music to notice.

The Stooges - Fun House (1970)

I encourage everybody and anybody to immerse him or herself in the shocking proto-punk masterpiece that is The Stooges' Fun House. Iggy doesn't just scream, yelp and moan of hell; he'll take you there and maybe back. Who ever said art had to be pretty? But, please, please, please...

For the love of God, don't do it while driving. As if a law of modern science (where’s Newton when we need him?), two factors become inevitable while spinning this album: speed and volume. It doesn't matter whether you're getting lost in the filthy groove of "Dirt" or navigating the sensual saxophone farts of the title track - either way, that 11-level volume won’t allow you much of an opportunity to hear that meat truck’s urgent honking and the gas pedal will be pumped way too hard to maintain control in those precious, desperate seconds before the collision. Even the pacing of the album resembles an increasingly hellish trip into the unknown (ie: each song is a bit more unleashed than the last); don’t let this reflect your driving.

Result: Collision. Meat truck. Explosion. Boom! Outta my mind! Sat'day night! 1970! Rolling in sight! Radio burnin` up above!

The Flaming Lips - Zaireeka (1997)

First of all, if you're fucked up enough to attempt to synch up all four discs while operating a real, breathing motor vehicle, than I might as well quit here and swallow a live mailman. Please report directly to the Heavenly Gates; your Darwin Award is waiting, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars...

And second of all, Wayne Coyne, in his typically messianic nature, was kind enough to provide ample warning as to the dangers held within. For example, let's consult the album’s extensive liner notes:

"This recording also contains frequencies not normally heard on commercial recordings and on rare occasion has caused the listener to become disoriented."
or:
"This track should not be listened to while driving."
or:
"I envision this as music for a cartoon about a group of determined vegetables."

It's all true, honey. The record requires four boom boxes in one place at one time, the music itself is beyond the comparison of any other twentieth-century recording, both in concept and execution. But it just ain't for the open road, Harry and Lloyd. Perhaps it’ll be the disgustingly epic drum solo on "March of the Rotten Vegetables" that does you in. Maybe the descent into atonal madness on "A Machine in India". Or, more likely, those dangerously low and high frequencies during "How Will We Know (Futuristic Crashendos)" (the main cause for Coyne's thoughtful warning). Either way, the result will be the same:

Result: Disorientation. Specifics depend on the song playing at the time, but will mostly likely end with vehicle upside-down, adult opossum suspended halfway through the windshield. Strange things afoot in Oklahoma City.

Lou Reed - Metal Machine Music (1975)

Need I even bother? Honestly.

Result: Bad things happening to good people.

Wilco - A Ghost Is Born (2004)

Vaguely psychotic. Quietly disturbing. Slightly uneven. Mildly unnerving.

Something's off about Wilco's fifth studio album. Tweedy's voice sounds a bit too strained, the piano's a bit too soft, and the guitars gnarl and shriek with a hearty dosage of Neil Young-esque anxiety. It's brilliant, too. There's a quietly buzzing sense of paranoia, as if a sturdy underpinning; you can’t hear it, but you know it’s there. Of course there are still moments of undeniably fine pop songcraft ("Hummingbirds", "Theologians", "The Late Greats") tastefully mixed in with the brooding Valium-tinged weirdness. Fans will make no mistake, this is miles away from the Stonesy double-album shuffle of Being There or the pleasant country-pop of Summerteeth.

Result: Again, this depends on the song. Ten-minute, kraut rocking drone "Spiders (Kidsmoke)" will cause results similar to that of Music for 18 Musicians. The nearly 15 minute blur of ambient noise that closes out "Less Than You Think" could very well be a leading cause of suicide. "At Least That's What You Said" is far too gripping an opener to even be permitted - driver will most likely veer off roadway and hit side rail. Noisy transition between "Handshakes Drugs" and "Wishful Thinking" will cause sudden paralysis, obviously rendering victim incapable of operating motor vehicle. Keep in mind, people, trees are unforgiving creatures.

Note: I recommend the above recordings whole-heartedly, just provided the unsuspecting listener doesn't assume the wheel within thirty minutes of listening. Drive safe

Paul McCartney's New Album Memory Almost Full

Paul McCartney is releasing a new album on June 5th titled Memory Almost Full. His last album 2005's Chaos & Creation In The Backyard was very good but from what I've heard of Memory Almost Full it blows Chaos out of the water. This seems to be a fresh Paul who sounds youthful in his voice and more importantly youthful in his creativity. I think it's pretty cool that Paul may be releasing his greatest solo album at age 64.

Here's the track list for Memory Almost Full:
1. Dance Tonight
2. Ever Present Past
3. See Your Sunshine
4. Only Mama Knows
5. You Tell Me
6. Mr. Bellamy
7. Gratitude
8. Vintage Clothes
9. That Was Me
10. Feet In The Clouds
11. House Of Wax
12. The End Of The End
13. Nod Your Head

Many of the songs from the upcoming album are available on YouTube and I've included them all below:

Video for lead single & lead track "Dance Tonight" The video was directed by Michel Gondry. It features "Gareth" from the UK show The Office and Natalie Portman.


"Ever Present Past"


"Only Mama Knows" - Great string intro then has a very mid 70s Wings feeling to it.


Fan vid for "You Tell Me"


Listen to "Mr. Bellamy"


"Vintage Clothes" - This one is sweet. Lots of neat changes and sounds. Love the whistling and delay sections.


"House Of Wax" - This is a dark spooky track with some delicious stuff going on. S3XY.


"The End Of The End"


"Nod Your Head"

Beck ~ “One Foot in the Grave”

It was a special time to be a young lad. I will forever be a special young lad with a difficult burden to bear in this life, and no doubt the next as well. The early ‘90’s were an interesting time for Beck, as any leper or whore can tell you. I find it quite tasteful that Beck released such massive amounts of material during this time frame. Some may be unaware of “Golden Feelings,” “A Western Harvest Field by Moonlight,” and the “MTV Makes Me Want to Smoke Crack” and “Steve Threw Up” singles, and perhaps they are better off avoiding this material? Maybe they would just prefer to flip their respective hairdos to albums like “Mutations” and “Sea Change,” and hey, more power to them, you know? I will say this however; nobody who ever liked Beck or tried to meet his mom will want to be without “One Foot in the Grave.”

This album has wonderful and lovely lyrical content, and this is back during a time when Beck did not try to sing, it is as if he almost would half-talk in his vocal performances, and this served the music and his lyrics quite well. The effortless approach of yore is endearing, charming, plentiful, pretend, real, and musically satisfying to the max. I will admit that this record does have some Independent Rock gloss, what with it being released on Calvin Johnson’s lame K Records imprint, but all is not lost, not even with dorks like Sam Jayne giving a miserable backing vocal. The only outside contributor on this record who is worth a lick, is perhaps the future drummer of Built to Spill and that bald guy who formed PUSA. Any questions at this point, because I’ll be kicking your ass regardless.

The instrumentation is largely acoustic-based, and leaves Beck room to breathe, the production is non-existent, again, leaving Beck room to blink and cough. Mr. Hansen works best with this no thrills production technique intact. This is not like modern rubbish by Freak Folk twerps or unbearable whores like Adam Green and Ben Kweller, as not all Anti-Folk is worth paying attention to, in fact, most of it is utter garbage and only liked by persons with retarded ear canals and a soulless gaze. Before you know it, this record is over. It’s just a simple and bizarre mix of Folk, Blues, and even elements of Noise Rock at times. Beck makes sure to pay tribute to his musical heroes with ease, such as: Skip James, Woody Guthrie and even Pussy Galore, it could be like totally argued.

I won’t tell you why I am beautiful, or that the secret of the universe resides in my bra strap, but I will say this: “One Foot in the Grave” is a musical Jim Dandy of a girlfriend, lyrically innovative, production that is raw like an onion. Yes, Beck did achieve some early musical goals on this here release, and Beck historians realize that this album had been building since his teenage years, when the young Mr. Hansen first developed an intense love for Roots music and went about beginning work on his awkward and entertaining home recordings. Some personal favorites include the beyond stark strangeness of “I Get Lonesome” and the old fan favorite “Cyanide Breath Mint.”

Fall in love with relaxed charm, an alternative to Alternative and something that sounds nothing like Pantera…

Beethoven: An Essay

This has been in the works for more than a little while and I would like to share my biographical findings with you, perhaps this is nothing new to some, but the way in which I have arranged it is absolutely charming. I refer to it as an essay for the simple fact that I am a Punk rebel with all of the usual cliche interests in Indie labels and politically liberal causes, now then, have an eyeful, yes?


Ludwig van Beethoven was born in Bonn, Germany on December 16, 1770. His musical training began under the tutelage of his father whom was a musical instructor of sorts, and his father’s father, whom he was named after, was a court musician. Johann Beethoven, Ludwig’s father, had the idea of molding his young son into a variation of the prodigal Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart of a few decades previous. Johann was a very harsh and often drunken taskmaster in relation Ludwig’s musical education.

Beethoven’s first real music instructor besides his difficult and abusive father was the opera composer Christian Gottlob Neefe. While still in his late teens, Beethoven had the opportunity to visit Vienna. He was actually lucky enough to receive brief instruction from his musical idol Mozart. His time spent in Vienna was unfortunately cut short when news of Magdalena Keverich van Beethoven’s death, his mother, reached him.

Upon his return home, it was then Beethoven’s responsibility to look after his two younger brothers, as his father’s worsening alcoholism deemed him ultimately unfit. A return to Vienna took place a handful of years later, but by this time, Mozart had passed on and he went about studying with the great Classical composer Joseph Haydn. Specifically, Beethoven was a pianist, and established himself as a great virtuoso rather quickly. His musical gifts granted him excellent pay amongst the Viennese aristocracy, and additional earnings were made with public performances, concerts, and as well as giving lessons.

The early period of Beethoven’s success was very much in the same vein as Mozart and Haydn, those two being key figures of the Classical era. In a few short years, however, Beethoven expanded upon the sounds of the Classical era and he found himself composing works ripe with emotional feeling. Part of this was due to his unfortunate luck of slowly going deaf. During this middle period of his career is when he composed his only opera in Fidelio.

Upon growing completely deaf during the latter part of his life as a musician and composer, Beethoven took to composition almost exclusively. Of this time period, his complex and intellectually profound 9th Symphony was born. Beethoven had broken much new ground even as poor health decreased his output. He was at the forefront of the Romantic era in classical music, saw to it that certain evolutions took place in piano construction and wrote open-ended symphonies that continued for great lengths yet maintained a great musical cohesion.

Beethoven died on March 26th, 1827 after a prolonged illness, and it was believed that potential lead poisoning could have been a contributing factor to his somewhat early death. A difficult childhood under a tyrannical father and a personal life in adulthood wracked with depression and a painful custody battle over his nephew mingled with all of the various physical health concerns may have very well contributed to some of the greatest and most emotionally intense music ever written. A slightly anti-social, eccentric and rather intense personality during his adult life, and with much sorrow in his own personal life, Beethoven died a bachelor.

Get your McPurchase on:


Watch this stuff:



Questions? Comments? Reactions?

The Trouble with the Flaming Lips

They had it all going right originally mates, but then a variety of complex happenings did indeed take place. Suffice to say, that I am no doubt the most beautiful human being to ever grace the face of the planet, but this article is not about me and my triumphant return to France. No, the discussion at hand relates to the downfall of the Flaming Lips. Now, from the onset, they were doing some crazy silly stuff, no question. Having heyday Butthole Surfers as your role model is bound to make for an interesting live show at the very least. They closed out the nineteen-eighties with some of their most powerfully original work, and started the nineties off with a massive bang by signing to a record label that was indeed major.

Thinking back about their first taste of commercial success in the nineties reminds me of how fun and creatively driven these self-made Art Rockers ultimately were, and no need to name albums, because we all know what I am talking about here, friends. A catchy tune about Jelly and a Metallic record that followed, nothing could go awry. Bizarre experimental projects with difficult to pronounce names, and a Bulletin they affectionately referred to as Soft, and this was the icing on the cake, buster! What to do next? Well, so at this point they expanded their sound and further explored the more lighthearted aspects of Bulletin with a record dedicated to a Japanese drummer and expert screamer named Yoshimi. This was not a bad idea, the record was quite good, and even if it included a corny reflective Folk Rock ballad about Realizing things, still this was manageable.

And then came the Yoshimi tour in 2002; what happened here exactly? For one, they violently devoured a diva named Beck in the goofy Alternative Rock press, and number two, they ignored Steven’s profound talent as a drummer in favor of a dope named Kliph, some vague human monster, if you will. In the ensuing years the online community of which many a long time Lips fan was involved in, was essentially destroyed and quite violently so by a couple of nightmarish hired goons, and no doubt Kliph among them along with some poor dope called The Animal Wrangler. But who are these people, and what exactly do they have to do with the respective Flaming Lips legacy? The answer is as follows: Absolutely nothing at all.

But all of this is quite telling my little sissy friends, as it is part of a greater problem; and that is as such: the violent downfall and death of a vibrant and beautiful band. It happens all the time, but when it happens to YOUR band it’s all the more painful, is it not, Mr. Redmond Barry? And so, to top it all off this once wondrous group puts that final nail in their grimy coffin with an incomprehensibly dull album that vaguely deals with Mystics, but it is all bells and whistles at this point, and not just in their now cliché traveling circus of a live show, because it would appear that the records are now equally as devoid of meaning. So why am I still here my precious little babies, are funerals somehow entertaining?

Cheers mate,

Mozart Breath

Better days...???

Album Appreciation: "Harvest Moon" by Neil Young

"Here I am with this old guitar, doin` what I do."

As the summer months are rapidly approaching, I once again feel an urge to rekindle my love with Neil Young's gorgeous 1992 album, entitled "Harvest Moon". In keeping with his "Neil does whatever the fuck Neil wants to do when Neil wants to do" Attitude, he survived his unholy 1991 tour in rare form and did a bit of a 180 degree turn, stripping down to country rock arrangements and heartbreaking songs that evoke the bittersweet nostalgia of a July evening. Young put his early `90's incarnation of Crazy Horse to rest, revisiting his Stray Gators lineup while inviting backup singers Linda Ronstadt and James Taylor, among others, for the ride. The record is generally regarded as a sequel of sorts to 1972's "Harvest", and yet I find it to be superior in every way. While "Harvest Moon" will never be looked upon as the most original or influential Neil Young recording, every single song seems to move me in some way and the whole affair reeks of quiet sincerity. {On a relevant sidenote, some critics have heralded his 2005 release "Prairie Wind" as a throwback to the "Harvest Moon" style, whereas that record merely reeks of boredom and only succeeded in making me tired.}

Much of the album deals with Neil's reflections on his personal relationships as he transitioned into middle age. For example, "You and Me", one of many gentle tunes backed by nothing but an acoustic guitar, quite clearly addresses his wife Pegi ("I was thinking `bout and me/Making love beneath the tree..." He sure ain't talking about Ralph Molina!) The title track is a similarly beautiful stroll, rounded out by "Oooohhhh" backing harmonies and an open invitation to "dream this night away" and "go dancing in the light". Of course it's cheesy; yet Neil provides the cheese with such honest emotion, as usual, and I find it irresistable.

"One Of These Days" is another acoustic ditty, built around three or four chords that I could play, yet it only sounds right when Neil's playing. Here, Neil ponders the memories made with his friends, and considers "sitting down and writing a long letter...", a sincere enough sentiment. Or consider "Unknown Legend", a wistful stalker ode to a funky diner waitress. Or the lovely "From Hank to Hendrix", which is both musically and lyrically simplistic yet never sounding uninspired or trivial. Many of these songs also found new life on the underappreciated "Unplugged" release from 1993.

"War of Man" is perhaps the darkest moment, a foray into vaguely political territory, whereas "Such A Woman" is quite clearly the "A Man Needs A Maid" of the record. Once again, Neil puts on his favorite romantic suit and employs an orchestra for the occasion.

Continuing the theme of relationships, "Old King" provides a lovely, country-tinged ode to a dearly departed canine:

"Then I thought about the times we had
Once when I kicked him when he was bad
Old King sure meant a lot to me
But that hound dog is history."

Lastly, the ten+ minute closer "Natural Beauty" is arguably the finest song on here, elevating the album from merely enjoyable to essential status for this Neil Young fan. The live performance merely adds to the spontaneous vibe of the album, and the song is mostly based around a haunting chord change accentuated by the strong harmonica flourishes. Neil takes the audience through a "roller coaster ride" of imagery and emotion, all the while reminding that "a natural beauty should be preserved like a momument to nature."

Conclusively speaking, it's true that Neil preceded this record with the deafening roar of "Weld" and followed it with the darkly diverse "Sleeps With Angels" (not counting the aforementioned Unplugged recording), and yet "Harvest Moon" remains satisfying as a time capsule of sorts to some of Neil Young's most quietly personal recordings, and as a soundtrack to my own bittersweet summer evening. I, for one, am glad it exists.

Title track:

Neil looks pretty:

Top Ten Albums of (insert decade here)!

(inspired by Mssr. Roxyharper.)

This blog entry is rather self-explanatory, kids. A Top Ten Ever list is always rather impossible for me, so I prefer to break it down by ten yizzears. To promote variety, I will not permit repeat artist entries on these lists, with one exception. Also, I cannot preach with any authority on the fifties, forties or beyond, so your grandma will have to be ignored. Also, no list for the two-thousands, as it's not over. With no further ado, buckle your seatbelts.

Part One: The Swingin` Sixties!

1. The Beatles - "The Beatles" We've been through this before and I supplied you with a plethora of reasons as to what makes this the fabulous, finest fab four f-release - and by "finest", I clearly mean most inventive, wacky and unrestrained. Duh.
Best track: "Wild Honey Pie"



2. Frank Zappa & The Mothers of Invention - "Uncle Meat"
This 1968 recording is one of the Mothers' wildest, yet most consistently brilliant recordings. Zappa lets every side of his uncontainable genius run free - the delicious free jazz (see "Uncle Meat" themes and variations, "King Kong suite"), warped pop songs ("Electric Aunt Jemima", anyone?), off-kilter spoken word tracks ("Our Bizarre Relationship"...bizarre!), and a fair bit more. It hurts my soul to choose this over the more concise, colorful "Hot Rats", yet it must be done.
Best track: "Mr. Green Genes"? "Electric Aunt Jemima"? You decide.

3. Miles Davis - "Bitches Brew" There's a wee bit of debate over whether this is a sixties or seventies release - Wikipedia claims it was recorded in `69 and released in `70. Allmusic lists it as `69 and I see it as a Sixties album that ushered in some of the magically strange vibes of the Seventies. Abstract and revolutionary, it was truly the record that got me into jazz and showed me that there was more than Kenny G. waiting for me. Shut off your perceptions of what jazz should be and let Miles' voodoo jams take hold. Also works as a bridge between the hauntingly moody drones of "In A Silent Way" and the straight-up jazz-rock corners of "A Tribute to Jack Johnson". The title track starts and stops, fumbles, breathes and farts like a psychedelic pancake on mongoose island.
Best track: "Bitches Brew"

4. The Rolling Stones - "Let It Bleed" It really is a pity the past thirty years of Rolling Stones history have stained their name so much. This seminal classic rock recording should be the true representation - filthy, dark and engrossing, "Let It Bleed" rocks harder than any other, yet still encompasses a grimy atmosphere that no other band seems to quite capture. Others may prefer "Exile on Main Street"'s druggy haze, or the more bluesy alleyways of "Sticky Fingers". These folks are merely incorrect. "Love In Vain" is the most heartbreakingly perfect Robert Johnson cover ever recorded, whereas "Monkey Man" is a furious romp of sensuality and passion. The opener "Gimme Shelter" is one of the finest rock songs ever recorded, as the dark side of '69, Altamont, Woodstock, Vietnam all bleeds right onto your very turntable.
Best track: "Gimme Shelter"

5. John Coltrane - "A Love Supreme" It appears on all those cutesy lists for a reason, sonny. Namely because it makes atheists see God. One of the most complete and rewarding touchstones of modern jazz, summing up Coltrane's spirit of redemption. Like Thelonious Monk before him, it's at once free jazz and bright `n listenable. A near perfect recording; fuck you, bass solo! I shall say no more.
Best track: It's all one song, really, isn't it?


6. Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band - "Trout Mask Replica" My esteemed colleague has already discussed the mighty Beefheart in more than one blog entry, and "Trout Mask Replica" is most likely the height of Mr. Van Vliet's particular brand of avant-garde sensations. It's been said that he refused to wear the headphones while recording vocals, hence the awkwardly rhythm-less tension. The band often seems to be performing three songs at the same time, and yet some strange semblance of a melody somehow shines through.
Best track: "Moonlight On Vermont"

7. Bob Dylan - "John Wesley Harding" Eat my shorts, general public. You can have your "Blonde on Blonde", your "Highway 61 Revisited". The truth is, this dark folk album, clocking in at under forty minutes, moves me a whole lot more. The oft-covered "All Along the Watchtower" saves it from obscurity. These are songs of claustrophobia, poverty and loneliness, and a stark contrast to the full-band explorations of the aforementioned records. "The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest" is particularly moving.
Best track: "I Pity the Poor Immigrant"

8. The Beach Boys - "Pet Sounds" Wall of noise. Wall of emotion. Can you believe he put "God" in the song title???
Best track: "God Only Knows"

9. The Band - "The Band"
I generally disapprove of non-debut self-titled releases, but I'll make an exception for an album of such rich personality and melody, a vaguely haunting southern masterpieces. From the funky singalongs of "Up On Cripple Creek" to the simply brilliant songwriting of "Jawbone", Levon Helm, Richard Manuel and otherbandmemberswhosenamesidontremember deserve massive amounts of recognition. Too bad about the stupid, un-Google-able band name.
Best track: "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down"

10. Johnny Cash - "At Folsom Prison" "There's a lot of strange men in cell block 10, but the strangest of them all was a friend of mine who spent his time staring at the wall..." The listener is suddenly transported to Folsom Prison, as Cash sings songs of crime, punishment and redemption...sometimes. The rowdy audience interactions only add to this effect. "Folsom Prison Blues" is an obvious classic, "Cocaine Blues" is dangerously fun and "25 Minutes Left to Go" is a fantastic account of a certain condemned prisoner's final hours, to name a few.
Best track: (Ah just don't know!)

Part Two: The Scrumptious Seventies!

1. Pink Floyd - "The Wall" I realize that my choice of favorite Pink Floyd album is unpopular and frowned upon by the indie types. Yet I don't care. The themes of alienation appealed to me as a child, as did the irresistibly theatrical format. Never does the double album seem anything but gripping and dark, from the classic rock staples to the dark little interludes. Roger Waters may be a jerk, but he sure knows how to turn it into an artsy concept album about being a jerk!
Best track: "Is There Anybody Out There?"



2. The Clash - "London Calling"
The Clash blew away their mediocre sophmore effort, "Give `Em Enough Rope", with a musical tour-de-force. Not just fans of punk apply; this is the time of record I imagine appeals to fans of..well, just music. Because it's musical, ya know? Tales of Spanish wars, revolutions, card games and Montgomery Clift set atop a rich musical tapestry of punk, pop, reggae and a whole lot more. The best song is "Lost in the Supermarket", a disco-tinged ode to anyone who just don't belong. "I wasn't born so much as I fell out.." Morrissey's got nothing on Strummer! A well-deserved classic.
Bestr track: "Lost in the Supermarket"

3. Neil Young - "Tonight's the Night"/"After the Gold Rush" (I seriously can't decide between these two. It depends on my mood.) "After the Gold Rush" gets the sentimental value, a singer-songwriter masterpiece. "Tonight's the Night" destroys me everytime, a horrifying taste of depression at the bottom of the barrel. The notes are cracked, the melodies are stolen and the performers are drunk as a skunk. It's a brutal recording.
Best track(s) respectively:
"After the Gold Rush" and "Mellow my Mind"

4. The Who - "Quadrophenia" Clearly, I've got a hard-on for the over-the-top seventies rock operas. This is quite obviously Townshend's musical height and Daltry's emotional peak, and it soars.
Best track: "Love, Reign O'er Me"

5. CAN - "Future Days" Hypnotic. Desperate. Flowing. Nipple. Foreign.
Best track: "Future Days"

6. Brian Eno - "Another Green World" Eno's best album successfully treads water between his pop persona and ambient compositions, encompassing the best aspects of both. The arrangements are far ahead of his time, though the melodies are timeless and golden. "Everything Merges with the Night" is like the sun seeping through the window at dawn, while "Golden Hours" is a delightful groover, reminiscent of a fluffy Eno dreamland filled with flying swordfish.
Best track: "The Big Ship"

7. Television - "Marquee Moon" Some of the greatest guitar performances ever laid on tape, married to some addictive, staccato riffs and melodic songwriting ability. The album is merely punk by association, considering the band's historic stint at CBGB's; musically, the album leans towards garage-rock rhythm and post-punk arrangements. The title track is the climax of one-note guitar solos and heavenly sexual intercou...interplay. Yes, that's the word.
Best track: "Marquee Moon"

8. George Harrison - "All Things Must Pass" The quiet Beatles comes straight of left field, delivering the great Beatles solo work to date. Spiritual, honest and yearning, this record employs Phil Spector's wall of sound techniques to produce an album of sublime richness. From the goofiness of "Apple Scruffs" to the loving ode of "I Live for You", the album is utterly flawless when we conveniently ignore those jams at the end. Hallelujah! Hari-krishna!
Best track: "My Sweet Lord"

9. The Stooges - "Fun House" This record is probably not safe for the car. If merely listening to a record can leave one breathless and exhausted, this is it. From the immediate roar of "Down on the Street", Iggy and the gang grabs the listener by the balls and takes him/her to hell and back. "Loose" is the sexual rocker, "Dirt" is a groove so sleazy it hurts and "1970" is like getting lost inside a hooker's livery at three in the morning, smothered in spiked orangeade. I love the pronunciation of "seventy". The trip is complete on the satanic saxophone vibes of the title track and the disgusting chaos of "L.A. Blues". Stay clear of the sliding doors and tip your hat to Satan upon entry.
Bestr track: "1970"


10. Leonard Cohen - "Songs of Love and Hate" Leonard Cohen is a master and "Songs of Love and Hate" is his masterpiece. He knows how to make a harp sound menacing and he knows how to make a "Lalalalalala" chorus sound at once rejoiceful and desperate. Desperate indeed. "You must learn, learn to serve me well..." Prepare for this dark universe; Cohen is at his most emotionally naked whether he's fascinated by Joan of Arc burning at the stake or moaning about cunnilingus "where the lions and Christians fight".
Best song:

Part Three: The Elegant Eighties!

1. The Pixies - "Doolittle" The album that kickstarted a revolution and frightened my Seventh Grade ears in the process. I wish more fat, balding men from Massachusetts were this cathartic. I also wish they could all produce albums with such rich diversity - from the bubblegum pop of "Here Comes Your Man" to the spaghetti Western theme of "Silver"...from the environmentalist spoken word anthem of "Monkey Gone To Heaven" to the gorgeous "Wave of Mutilation", which fantasizes about driving into the ocean. Believe the hype, as this is, indeed, the greatest album of its decade. Fun fact: "Hey" is my favorite vocal performance evah.
Best track: "Hey"



2. Talking Heads - "Remain in Light"
This isn't Brian Eno's first appearance on this (group of) list(s) and it won't be his last. The man is a world class superhuman, this time lending his magic touch to David Byrne's psychotic tendencies with mindblowing result. There's an old cliche about this type of album; namely, that the observant listener will notice something new each time. It may very well be true. Not quite "same as it ever was"! The very definition of a headphone album, do ya hear those bongos in "The Great Curve"? Or the Pacman solo in "Born Under Punches (The Heat Goes On)"? This music comes from up there. *points*
Best track: "Once in a Lifetime"

3. Sonic Youth - "Daydream Nation" A dissonant whir of sprawling guitar textures and awkward vocal spasms. It may very well be closer to noise soundscapes than "alternative rock", whatever the fuck that may be. It's an exhausting and rewarding listen, and a pity I didn't realize it right away.
Best track: "Cross the Breeze"

4. Tom Waits - "Rain Dogs"/"Franks Wild Years" (it's a tie)
"A few reasons why both of these records deserve a position on this list:
All the doughnuts have names that sound like prostitutes
And the moon's teeth marks are on the sky
Like a tarp thrown all over this
And the broken umbrellas like dead birds
And the steam comes out of the grill
Like the whole goddamn town's ready to blow..."

"They take apart their nightmares and they leave them by the door
Let me fall out of the window with confetti in my hair
Deal out jacks or better on a blanket by the stairs
I’ll tell you all my secrets, but I lie about my past"

"...in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king."

"Time is made from honey slow and sweet
Only the fools know what it means..."

"Never trust a man in a blue trench coat
Never drive a car when you're dead"
Best track: "Clap Hands" and "Temptation", respectively.


5. U2 - "The Joshua Tree" Say what you want about Bono now; before he tried to save the world, he sounded like he really could. The ringing guitars, the anthemic choruses, the restless lyrics...everything seems to be in place. "The Joshua Tree" is the type of album where everything just fits, especially if you find it at the right time. It won't go anywhere.
Best track: "Bullet the Blue Sky"

6. R.E.M. - "Document"/"Murmur" (tie again) It's true that "Document" rocks harder. It's true that "Murmur" embodies that Southern, folky college rock vibe like no other. You decide.
Best track: "The One I Love" and "Pilgrimage" respectively.

7. Leonard Cohen - "I'm Your Man" Adding drum machines, synthesizers and an increasingly hoarse ("golden"?) voice to his sonic palette could have been awkward and plodding for Mr. Cohen. Instead, it turned out to be a creative rebirth of sorts, and a damn wonderful album to boot. Cohen desperately offers his services over a vaguely Eastern keyboard riff in the popular title track, freaks out about "Jazz Police talking to my niece" in one furious song, converses with Hank Williams in another and exposes some social injustices that "Everbody Knows" in the track of the same name. Or, let's examine this couplet from "Tower of Song":
"Now you can say that I've grown bitter but of this you may be sure:
The rich have got their channels in the bedrooms of the poor
And there's a mighty judgement coming, but I may be wrong"
Bitter? Certainly. Old? Cranky? That's my Lenny, but he hasn't produced in album this rewarding in years.
Best track: "Everybody Knows" or "Jazz Police" or "Tower of Song" or "I'm Your Man"...Jesus, they're all brilliant.


8. Minutemen - "Double Nickels on the Dime" Forty-three tracks in all.
Me:Describe them?
Myself: Short. Funky as sin. Mostly political.
Me: In fact, they do all sound the same, don't they?
Myself: Yes.
Me: Doesn't matter. So short, well-written, well-performed and goddamn entertaining all around.
Myself: Too bad that guy died. What's his name?
Me: Brad Delp?
Myself: Sure.
Best track: Maybe it's "Corona". Yay, Jackass!

9. The Clash - "Combat Rock" The Clash recover surprisingly well from the train wreck of "Sandinista!" and record the Talking Heads tribute that it sounds like they always wanted to. Well, that's just the first half (err, two-thirds), featuring the classic "Should I Stay or Should I Go?", disco meltdown "Rock the Casbah" and accurately-titled "Overpowered by Funk". The end of the record takes some sharp left turns, from ambient instrumentals to awkward spoken word experiments. It's very surprising how well the whole thing holds up.
Best track: "Rock the Casbah"

10. Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Mother's Milk" Yeah, yeah, I know. Anthony Kiedis is a goon, Flea smells of mustard, I've heard it all before. So flog me.

*bends over*

"Mother's Milk" was a creative rebirth for some, as Frusciante gracefully took over the late and great Hillel Slovak's guitar duties. The band covers Hendrix, cheers for Magic Johnson and screams about a "stone cold bush" in under forty-five minutes, with some excellent musicianship to boot. Then there's the psychedelic mini-masterpiece "Taste the Pain", the oddly sincere "Knock Me Down" (dealing with Anthony's experiences with drug addiction) and a pretty damn great closer. Oh, and "Sexy Mexican Maid"! Appreciate this couplet:

"The puts me in a bubble bath
She tickles me and I laugh"

Best track: "Johnny, Kick A Hole in the Sky"

Part Four: The Nefarious Nineties! (Each album described in nine words this time.)

1. The Flaming Lips - "The Soft Bulletin" Error: Overload. It's my favorite album of all time.
Best track: "The Gash"



2. Radiohead - "OK Computer" "Weird creatures who lock up their spirits... just uptight."
Best track: "Karma Police"

3. The Flaming Lips - "Zaireeka" Most difficult and rewarding musical experience of the century, perhaps.
Best track: "March of the Rotten Vegetables"

4. U2 - "Achtung, Baby!" Bono becomes bored with perfection. Futuristic, stunning and elegant!
Best track: "One"

5. The Olivia Tremor Control - "Black Foliage: Animation Music"
Disgustingly complex pop music, reaching directly through your sub-conscious.
Best track: "The Sylvan Screen"

6. Talk Talk - "Laughing Stock" This album moves me like few others. So primal.
Best track: "After the Flood"

7. Weezer - "Pinkerton" Depression produces the finest music sometimes. Great drum sound!
Best track: "Across the Sea"

8. Nine Inch Nails - "The Downward Spiral" Reminds me of eigth grade. Dark and dangerously compelling.
Best track: "Piggy"

9. Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Blood Sugar Sex Magik" Filthy. Vulgar, too. The way the Peppers should sound.
Best track: "Funky Monks"

10. Spiritualized - "Ladies & Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space"
Checklist:
-Get heart broken.
-Write masterpiece.
-Acquire 486,952,958 instruments.
Best track: "Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space"

Thanks for reading. Close the door on your way out.

Religious Music

Believe you me, it is not a bad thing, really, it’s not. It even can kick some hairy butt-perm at times, but I digress like a cat from Japan that made it too far. Western civilization itself is a religion of sorts, and if that analogy sounds vague to you, then I got two words for you: bite these nuts. Not all religious music is Contemporary Christian. Ever heard of Johann Sebastian Bach? A very religious and gentle creature, and only one of the most fantastical Baroque era composers of all-time, my friend! I shit you not, I shit you not. Come to think of it, much of what is enjoyable in Classical music has certain religious themes, in fact a whole category of the Classical genre caters to religious feeling, and this is best musically expressed in what was referred to as sacred music, and certainly, Mozart made his fair share, and he was damn good, too, you hear!

Religious elements exist in the Rock roots of Blues music, just think of Blind Willie Johnson, for example, go ahead and think of him for a spell, child! A lot of what has been mentioned thus far relates to Christianity, but damn, you ever heard Klezmer before, boy? That stuff is great, at least often times, certainly an enriched music that is very much worthy of the Jewish faith, Psychedelic Rock contained many Eastern folk elements, much of which derived from the Buddhist, Islamic and Hindu faiths respectively. Even goofy Goth Rockers with their whimsical whiney songs, often times borrow quite heavily from Pagan and Satanic religious belief. Just think about Johnny Cash for a moment, that is to say, religion in music is everywhere! I believe this to be a good thing, as music native to a specific culture often contains overt religious fervor and imagery, my darling little fountain of joy. Celtic Folk comes to mind! You may even be listening to religious music at this particular juncture, Mr. or Mrs. Punk Rocker. You looking good in your Dockers, huh?

Now here is Beck’s ode to Scientology, the peculiar Hip-Hop of 1000 BPM…



Persona(l) freedom can be yours, and quite soon, I’ll have you know.

This has been a musical view by Mozart Breath, disagreement is yours, if you do so choose to accept your mission, buster.

Cheerio!

Album Appreciation: "Brilliant Corners" by Thelonious Monk

I spent five minutes (that's five minutes, for you people on the west coast) of my precious time yesterday writing an email to William-Sonoma. To be precise, I was inquiring as to why they put the milk chocolate-covered graham crackers on the top when it's painfully obvious that dark chocolate is nine times superior. One hasn't experienced true human discomfort until they're forced to root through the box and remove all milk chocolates, selfishly scavenging for the dark chocolate ones on the bottom.

And those pricks at William Sonoma? They write:

Thank you for your email. We are dedicated to responding to our customers in a timely manner. We handle email messages in the order in which they are received, and we reply to most messages within 24 hours.

Customer Service
Williams-Sonoma Home

A form letter, that's what you are! And meanwhile, it's been twenty-four hours and I don't see a response! Now, a man with tooth of gypsy in his head may very well presume that the reason for their lack of response is that they're too busy listening to Thelonious Monk's 1956 jazz classic, "Brilliant Corners". Like other jazz masterpieces of the era, it is at once challenging, dense and accessible enough for a dinner party. Like other jazz masterpieces of the era, it requires an all-star team to nail the hit on the head and tiger the touchdown to first base - namely, Sonny Rollin's fluid saxophone stylings (this is Monk's first album to feature horns) and Max Roach's percussive grace, along with Oscar Pettiford and Ernie Henry are chosen to tackle Monk's difficult material.


It is said that he would rarely speak to anyone other than his beloved wife Nellie, and certainly in later years it was reported that he would go through an entire tour without speaking to the other members of his group. Bassist Al McKibbon, who had known Monk for twenty years and played on his final tour in 1971, later said "On that tour Monk said about two words. I mean literally maybe two words. He didn't say 'Good morning', 'Goodnight', 'What time?' Nothing. Why, I don't know. He sent word back after the tour was over that the reason he couldn't communicate or play was that Art Blakey and I were so ugly." [1] - Wikipedia

We at Riverside feel very strongly that the whole emphasis on the exceedingly far-out and "mysterious" nature of Monk's music was seriously overdone during the early years of his careeer, so that many who would have been interested in listening (and very probably would have found themselves quite able to listen) were frightened away in advance. - producer Orrin Keepnews

These men worked hard. They struggled and concentrated and shook their heads over some passages with those half-smiles that mean: "Hard? This is impossible! For the original compositions on this date represent Monk at his most inventive and therefore (to repeat myself) at his most challenging...("I've never been satisfied with one of my records yet," he says, and means it). - producer Orrin Keepnews

The delicious title track required at least twelve takes to master the twisted timing and unusual melody. But Rolling nails it. Totally nails it. It speeds up and slows down, yet the group remains a single entity. As Mssr. Keepnews (awesome name) mentions, this song (and album) embodies the seeming contradiction of music at once impossible but never inaccessible. Monk's soloing throughout the album is fluid and melodic, convoluted and dissonant and deeply rooted in that ever-flowing nature of jazz.

Then there's "Ba-lue Bolivar Ba-lues-are", supposedly Monk's phonetic spelling of "Blue Bolivar Blues". I feel instantly transported to a sleazy 1956 nightclub as I engross myself in this thirteen-minute groove, which fits its title and features some of Rollins' finest soloing (though the liner notes dutifully remind the dear listener not to "neglect to dig the several things Monk is doing behind the horns).

"Pannonica" treads near ballad territory, yet with another captivating melody perhaps even iressistable enough for those rock fans intimidated by the pretensions surrounding this jazz territory. The song begins with a celeste that Monk reportedly just happened upon in the studio, while the 2:25 horn solo ups the mood even more. It is a fine song, my dear sandbag.

"I Surrender, Dear" is the obligatory solo piano piece boasting the bizarre title, always vaguely implying the melody without stating it right out for the silly listener. If if it's not quite up to the quality of tracks one-three, it's because:
a) We've been spoiled and
b) it lacks the rich experience of these musicians playing off each like a group of mud-wrestling nun.

Thankfully, "Bemsha Swing" brings back the...swing, for lack of a better word. In it's third recording, this song strives off of forceful horn blasts and catchy chord changes. These fine music-makers once again take turns with the tasteful solos, bringing some good-time jazz ecstasy fort the whole family.

P.S.
He wasn't lying - Art Blakey really was a strange-lookng mothafucka:

Album Appreciation: Fugazi - "In On The Kill Taker"

This is not a Fugazi blog entry...

"Don't wanna lick them no more!"

Hey, you! Stop right there! I know whatchoo thinking, brosef! "Fugazi, that's that lovely hardcore band with a social conscience and strong ethics, aye? Five dollar all-age shows, no selling merchandise and no interviews with alcohol-advertising magazines! Yeah, sXe 4 eva!"

No. This is not about the band's DIY aesthetic. The band's dedication fanbase doesn't spawn from its particular business practices, admirable as they may be. Nope, the icing on the cake is merely...icing on cake. This is about the music, the unadulterated intensity, the noisy geetars. In particular, I'd like to discuss the brilliance of the 1993 release "In On The Kill Taker" - in my opinion, among the finest and most unappreciated rock albums...ever, really. There are times when I merely require that music rocks my face off its socket and over the past year, "In On The Kill Taker" has been my savior.

"Red! Dressed in red! Drenched in red! Spreading red! Ever red!"

Because, really, what more can be said aboot an album that simply rocked too hard for Steve of the Albini?



I will not lie
I will not lie
I will not lie
I will not lie

At some point in late 1992 or early 1994, Guy Picciotto came across a semi-coherent letter in the street, origin unknown (excerpt: "Disability does have no private interpretation. Automobile driver who does not criticize his driving..."). The letter provides the inspiritation for the album title, in addition to being featured in the artwork.

The production often reduced to a harsh, metallic grind of ear-bleeding guitars and thin drums, a far cry from the overly-dry, unengaging tones of "Steady Diet of Nothing". Sessions with indie rock proder... I mean, engineer/guru Steve Albini proved unsatisfying. The album ended up peaking at 153 on the billboard charts, just about fourteen years ago to the date.

"A household name with H.I.V..."

"Facet Squared" slowly leads in some intermittent bleeping, mumbling drums and a roar of guitars. First line on the album? "Pride no longer has definition. Everybody wears it; it always fits!" The song's an animal, a relentless invitation to get Fucked Up, Ambushed, Zipped In...

"Public Witness Program" is a punkish rocker, each line followed by a fluid burst of guitar dissonance; vague lyrics describing a witness situation. "I like to walk around and I'm paid to stand around..." "Returning the Screw", on the other hand, resorts to slow-burning druggy tempos providing a backbone for the band's noise tantrums. "Returning the screw.....uurrrgggghhh!" The unholy marriage of deafening intensity with vague melodic outlines illustrates what makes this album so fucking great.

"Smallpox Champion" is similar to "Public Witness Program" in its speedy abandon - a refrain of "What is good for the future!?" over a brilliant guitar-manipulation phrase, all leading up to an oddly tuneful frenzy. "Rend It", on the other hand, is best described as a combination of near-accepella verses and a screaming chorus anthemic enough for Madison Square Garden.

"Why don't you cut up my mouth?"

"23 Beats Off" may very well be the highlight, however. This time it's squealing guitars, mumbled vocals, twisted melodic phrasings and a typically vague narrative. The song ends up with a brutal scream and nearly four minutes of guitar feedback, ebbing and flowing on top of a near-tribal drum repetetion. Not a second sounds forced or out of place and that's God's honest truth. Rehabilitated ? Now, I don't have any idea what that word means.

The second half of the album, while never as relentlessly flawlessas the first, is thrilling nonetheless. "Sweet and Low" provides an instrumental intermission of sorts; bassist Joe Lally reportedly commented that he initially intended to write lyrics depicting a relationship ending, yet couldn't quite find the words to fit the tune. On the other hand, "Cassavetes" is a dark rocker highlighted by jaw-dropping drum fills. Another angular, dissonant verse characterized by vocal spasms and an oddly catchy chorus. Speaker-hopping musical break at 1:47 is a high-point. "Shut up! This is my last picture!"

"Walken's Syndrome" was supposedly inspired by a Christopher Walken fantasy about speeding through a stoplight in a movie I've never seen. The lyrics are impossible to follow without the lyric sheet and the music is in fine form. "Instrumental" sounds catchy enough for a ten-year-old's birthday singalong, whereas "Last Chance for a Slow Dance" closees the record on an uncharacteristically sensitive note.

Balls ahoy! Purchases this record right now at your friendly local dealer (of music, that is) and watch the video right now. Both right now. Which means...your task, if you choose to accept it....is to...do both simultaneously! Let's call it "Zaireeka"!


"In On The Kill Taker" review: special features, bonus material:

"In On The Kill Taker" is the top release from this fine group. Here's the rest of the Fugazi catalogue, rated from greatest to...least greatest:

2. "Red Medicine" (1995): Fugazi at their most inspired and unpredictable. Stay for the ride.

3. "13 Songs" (1990): A collection of their first two EP's...often considered their most essential hour. Raw songwriting at its height, and representative of the entire late `80's indie scene. Opens with "Waiting Room", the bands quintessential 'alternative' (heh) anthem.

4. "Repeater + 3 Songs" (1990): The Stooges playing reggae? How now, brown cow! Similar in sound to "13 Songs", with a more studio-clean production. Sums up the bands vision. Rocks a whole lot in the process.

5. "The Argument" (2001): Brings the band's growth into the 21st century. Takes a while to get used to, and a grower like no other - not a good choice for one's first Fugazi album and I learned the hard way. Incorporates a wide range of instrumentation and influences into a rich, refined palette.

6. "End Hits" (1998): Continues on "Red Medicine"'s path of non-sequiter's, with a misleading title and slightly (slightly!) less-perfect songwriting.

7. "Steady Diet of Nothing" (1991): More smart rocker sadly hidden behind a dry, tinny production. Enjoyable record nonetheless.

8. "Instrument (soundrack)" (1999): Soundtrack to band's documentary comprises odds `n sods collection, feauturing some of their most out-of-character, unusual material (piano ballad "I'm So Tired", pour exemple) and a whole lot of filler. Fans only territory, cluttered with instrumentals and fairly pointless demo recordings.

Goodnight.

Best Albums By The Doors, Man!

I know about The Doors, and you all are just jealous. Why don’t you taste my knuckles sometime, booty face? I am here with you all of The Doors religious order just to make perfectly clear which albums in their discography are in fact the chosen ones, so have your furry little rump a look-see…


The Doors: Ah, yes! The self-titled debut! Who could forget those golden schoolgirl days of yore? One certainly knows that I cannot, and thanks in part to this wonderful album released early in 1967. “Break On Through (To The Other Side)”, why thank you, Jim, I believe I shall! This record has got mad Bossa Nova jazz beats that make my marvelous back fat quiver in absolute amazement, in short, I am perpetually all a tingle! Funny thing about this record as well is the simple fact that Jimbo and friends don’t come off like macho hard rockin’ dorks, but rather, are somewhat more closer to Bubblegum Pop but with a slight psychotic streak, if you will. My personal favorite cut is “The Crystal Ship,” and this is mainly due to the fact that I am rather sappy and easily delighted by a quality crooned vocal performance. We all know that Robbie Krieger wrote “Light My Fire,” and indeed, girl, we couldn’t hope to get much higher!


Strange Days: A Kick boner sequel to the epic debut, and released later in the same year (quite fucking prolific, correct?). Strange Days really sets off the mood for The Doors during this early stage in their Psychedelic business career, as all is well, strange. I must say that the darkness factor is quite present on this record as well. You get some eerie backwards organ action by uppity keyboardist Raymond Daniel Manzarek (Born 2/12/39) on the whimsical and tripped out “Unhappy Girl.” And for my dollars, “When The Music’s Over” is a superior album closer compared to “The End” which closed out the debut. Something that makes this album slightly superior to the debut as well is the simple fact that there are no awkward Surf Rock numbers…


The Soft Parade: Don’t fault these college graduates (at least two of them) for being ambitious, it’s in the blood! The Soft Parade is so painfully underrated that sometimes Thurston Moore even wipes his kick ass Punker buttocks with it. The Soft Parade as a song is a very curious and complex little number, and appropriately, the album closer. This is a song that clearly puts The Doors at very much the forefront of the emerging Jazz Rock sounds of the late ‘60’s, basically right up there with Mr. Zappa and his band of expert players. The Soft Parade does contain a few clunkers, no question, but with wacky Rock cuts like “Wild Child,” who could ask for more? The big hit on this record was again written by the frizzy-haired guitarist, and I’m talking about “Touch Me,” man! A tune that got me through some difficult times in Vietnam, believe it.

So, there it is, do with this information what you will, but never doubt me or The Doors faithful, because we know exactly where you live and may very well be dropping by with a pamphlet or two. Realize your maximum potential and buy these records, you’ll be glad you did. And while doubters might be very well shocked that I skipped over latter day greats like Morrison Hotel and LA Woman, simple fact is that I prefer The Doors Psychedelic experience with a touch of Jazz rather than Blues, and perhaps the less said about Waiting For The Sun the better…

This is the end?

Album appreciation: "We All Belong" by Dr. Dog

I have a dog and his name is Max. Today, the mother and I brought home all these lovely plants and flowers from the nursery. We displayed them nice `n lovely in the backyard and dog-face Max went and ate `em up when we weren't looking! He chewed up the soil, left the flowers lying on the grass and began gnawing at some plastic flower pots. I wonder if he's a bit depressed and needs to lash out violently to express himself - a canine version of a school shooting, if you will. Flower carnage.

Anyway, this flower ritual is a sign that the summer months are nearly upon us. Honestly, it feels like it was snowing just yesterday. It's absurd the way March and April go by in a blur. Anyway, flowers are a sign of summer and so is Dr. Dog. All the way from Philadelphia hails this group of heavy-harmonizing kids with a crazy fetish for `60's pop. But it came out the wrong month. This isn't a fucking album for February 27th, it's a summer album if I ever heard one, complete with doo-wop vocals, piano twinklin`, fuzz guitar and enough delightful melodic doodles and twirks to kill a buffalo.

You'll be about 0:00 minutes into the album before the adjective "Beatle-esque" pops into your head, assuming you see the snazzy, face collage album cover, bringing to mind a "Sgt. Peppers" feel, filtered through retro stylings. Retro, that's another good word! Though it may take until the 2:41 bridge of "Ain't It Strange" and following accapella break before you accept the wondrous validity of retro Beatle-esque-full-ness.

"Old News" kicks the album off with a lovely pop ditto built around a lovely piano sequence, rounded out with "lalalala" backing harmonies and horns. Honestly, if you can't dig that rough studio jabber intro, you might as well flip the album off here -these guys take `60's pop into the future and they have fun doing it, goddammit!

"A dog from the past started barking.

Anyway, "My Old Ways" happens to be the finest offering on here, with an utterly addictive vocal melody, smoothly handled by the shakey-voiced falsetto of Mr. Shakey-Voiced Falsetto Vocalist.

"I don't ever wann go back to my old ways, cheatin' and creepin' around."

One of those simply perfect pop songs that look like horseshit on paper, but somehow just work. Doo-doo-doo-doo's fill up the brain with love.

The group gets in touch with a more groove-driven R&B sound on "Keep a Friend" and "Alaska", both of which are fantastic showcases for the soulful vocal performances. Then there's "Worst Trip", which proves that ripping off the Beach Boys really is the new black; speaking of which, "Weekend" has a breezy pop feel to it as if right off of the Beach Boys early 1970 masterpiece "Sunflower". "The Way the Lazy Do" is similarly delicious, with meticulous guitar and keyboard flourishes. The album ends on a midly epic note, with the irresistable refrains of the title track.

Anyway, these Pennsylvania fellas seem to operate under the belief that originality is overrated when you're popping out brilliant melodies more consistently than Fred Durst's left nipple and ten times out of eleven, it works! ("The Girl" is the weak link I'm referring to, of course...a bit too heavy on the fuzz and light on the substance.) It won't blow your mind, it won't solve the Arab-Israeli conflict and it won't make pregnant women miscarriage. It will, however, make you whistle and perk with glee, and ain't that the purpose of all simple pop music? After all, pop music is my friend and your friend, and this record is sure to make a surprise appearance on my year-end list (though it ain't number one). Don't pass it up.

"Well, you're looking for the light switch. Click! It's on." (Cue badass guitar doodle.)

Captain Beefheart – “The Spotlight Kid”

He produced it himself, just as was the case with “Lick My Decals Off, Baby.” Captain Beefheart’s “The Spotlight Kid” plays like a good meal. You’ve got the gutter Funk of “I'm Gonna Booglarize You Baby,” which is the album opener. This is then followed by the mock-ballad “White Jams,” which rather appropriate of Beefheart, contains curious lyrical content. “Blabber ‘n Smoke” is the one cut on the album actually written by the good Captain’s wife, but it is not too far off the track, as the song clearly reveals strong interests in the environment and animal rights. Side one of the record ends with an amazing instrumental piece, with guest guitar work courtesy of Winged Eel Fingerling, no doubt a musician that was renamed when he briefly joined the Beefheart cult. The instrumental of which I speak is given the moniker of “Alice in Blunder Land.” The extended lead guitar solo on the cut is really fleshed out and travels through space at a rapid pace.

Side two contains a couple of Jim Dandies, no question. “Click Clack” is a Rocking little Blues Rock number that you can appropriately shake your groove thing to until the livelong day, and again, absolutely no question about it, sunshine. The album closes with a real nightmarish downer but make no mistake the track “Glider” just sifts on by like a demon beast vomiting in slow-motion repeatedly. The good Captain is in fine voice; and in quite fine attire as well, in terms of the album cover. This is a record that proves Don Van Vliet could play it relatively straight when the spirit moved him, and in some respects “The Spotlight Kid” harkens back to the Blues Rock tendencies of the Magic Band debut “Safe as Milk.”

Released in 1972, just months following a little album by the name of “Clear Spot,” which was actually produced by a famed Rock music producer of the time period; it is then “The Spotlight Kid” which is the superior of the two albums. This is a record that is in place thematically, and the music cuts equally as deep as anything on Don’s more so maniacal and absurd musical outings. Basically, it’s one of the few Captain Beefheart records that you could pass along to grandma for her birthday, and unlike the brief “Tragic Band” period of the mid ‘70’s, “The Spotlight Kid” is creatively driven and fully realized, it’s just a situation where Don decided to indulge in his genuine interest of certain kinds of Blues music, and thus, ended up with something that was musically centric.

“Clean up the air and treat the animals fair…”

CLICK-CLACK! CLICK-CLACK!

Happy Almost-Birthday, David Byrne! These are the Talking Heads' top ten songs!

"Some people say not to worry `bout the air! Some people NEVER HAD EXPERIENCE WITH aaaaaiiiirrrrr!"

It is common knowledge, no doubt, that any album straight from the dark depths of David Byrne's soul will be twisted, wacky and wonderful. However, the absolute truth of the matter is not all Talking Heads songs are created equal, and some are more twisted, wacky and wonderful. Don't go kiddin` yourself and making some sort of douchebag Talking Heads mega-mix - all Talking Heads records are essential, with the possible exception of the admittedly lackluster last two. However, these are the songs that, more than anything, really get my goat (in sort of, maybe order):

"And you may find yourself...on Musicbyday.com!"

1. "Animals" (1979): The best description I've ever heard of the Talking Heads music is "paranoia you can dance to!", and holy fucking shit, does this song represent that whole ideal. The rhythms are driving and intense, alternating between 4/4, 5/5 and 7/4. The guitars slash and squeal and pure staccato fashion, but the Byrne's vocal performance is what really steals the show.

No doubt you've heard the old wive's tale that the meaning of the album's songs can be discerned by adding "Fear of..." to the song title and jeepers creepers, he sounds flat out terrified by them animals. I would consider recommending Byrne to a fine therapist after hearing this song, except for the fact that that would hinder his paranoid-writing abilities.

Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! "Animals want! To change my life! I will ignore! Animals' advice! They're never there when you need them! They're never there when you call them! They're never there when you need them! ...They're laughing at us! They don't even know what a joke is!"

Take it easy, brotha. Have some pineapple juice. The absolute genius transition occurs at 2:12, at which the guitars become even more twisted, and the David Byrne transforms into a madman of sorts, chanting a rather deranged verse that sends chills down my spine, it does. "They like to laugh at people! They're living on nuts and berries!"

And this is why "Animals" is my favorite Talking Heads song. Here's a funny video (No, it's not me, but it does make me chortle.)



2. "Once in a Lifetime" (1980): Alright, a few facts:
Fact one) For this list to be more accurate, at least half of the songs would have to be culled from "Remain in Light". It is, quite simply, one of the most delicious albums to ever land on Planet Earth, and towers supreme over all other Talking Heads albums. I would pay many to be squished into a Byrne/Eno sandwich with extra syrup. However, I felt like giving the other albums some due kudos, ya dig?
Fact two) You've heard this song many times. Any attempt from me to describe it would be utterly pointless.
Fact three) It's an extroadinary recording. Pop perfection to the eigth power.
Fact four) That echo effect on Byrne's voice at the end of the second verse is really cool.
Fact five) The average human consumes 24 pigs during his/her lifetime. You heard me, twenty-four times in a lifetime!

3. "Slippery People" (version from "Stop Making Sense") (1984): Here's the thing about "Stop Making Sense" - not only is it a fantastic live album, but I honestly feel that it improves on quite a few of the songs from "Speaking in Tongues". While "Speaking in Tongues" suffers from a rather bone-dry, dated production resulting from Eno's departure, "Stop Making Sense" brings many of these songs in a much more intense, vibrant manner. "Slippery People" is my textbook example of choice. On "Speaking in Tongues", the song was a bit plodding; the chorus always dragged too slow to really let loose the way Jesus intended. The live version speeds it up with a whole lotta energy, background vocals and creepy synths.

Do you like call-and-response choruses, baby?

-What's the matter with him?
-He's alright!
-How do you know?
-The lord won't mind!
-Oh, no no way!
-He's alright!
-Love from the bottom to the top!

ALRIGHT! THE LORD WON'T MIND! (It's the eighties, honepie, and this song will groove parts of your body you didn't know you had. But you do have them. The spleen, for example. Shit, you've heard of it?)

4. "The Great Curve" (1980): Holy shit. That is all.

5. "Dream Operator" (1986): For the most part, "True Stories" is a bland, forgettable piece of crap - a pale incarnation of the band that once performed "The Great Curve" (holy shit! that is all.). However, like most bland, forgettable pieces of crap by great bands, there's at least one treasure among the rubble, and "Dream Operator" is it. It's rather simple, really. Over a rolling 3/4 beat, four chords, and a carnival-esque piano tune, as Byrne kicks it about an operator of sorts, organizing the many dreams of the human race. Simple, yet effective, and I suppose that's all that really matters.

6. "With Our Love" (1978): I'm trying as hard as possible to represent nearly every album, yet still maintain an accurate list. "More Songs About Buildings and Food" represented two important aspects: (1) The true entry of Brian Eno into the Talking Heads' realm of existence and (2) a really fucking awesome album name. I actually nearly chose "I'm Not In Love" if only for that goddamn awesome guitar breakdown at the end, but "With Our Love" reigns supreme. A furious staccato rhythm grabs hold of the listener, as Byrne mumbles, yelps and squeals. A song that exists for no purpose other than greatness, and that's fine by me. Also, I love the way Byrne pronounces the word "I" about 2:20 in. In fact, I love all of Byrne's eccentric vocal tics and tantrums and I wouldn't hesitate to place him among my favorite vocalists of all time.


7. "This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody) (1983)" This song is absolutely gorgeous. Another simple melody (I suppose this is where the naivete comes in) driven by keyboard-horns and high-pitched synths.

Home - is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home - she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can'