Happy Almost-Birthday, David Byrne! These are the Talking Heads' top ten songs!

"Some people say not to worry `bout the air! Some people NEVER HAD EXPERIENCE WITH aaaaaiiiirrrrr!"

It is common knowledge, no doubt, that any album straight from the dark depths of David Byrne's soul will be twisted, wacky and wonderful. However, the absolute truth of the matter is not all Talking Heads songs are created equal, and some are more twisted, wacky and wonderful. Don't go kiddin` yourself and making some sort of douchebag Talking Heads mega-mix - all Talking Heads records are essential, with the possible exception of the admittedly lackluster last two. However, these are the songs that, more than anything, really get my goat (in sort of, maybe order):

"And you may find yourself...on Musicbyday.com!"

1. "Animals" (1979): The best description I've ever heard of the Talking Heads music is "paranoia you can dance to!", and holy fucking shit, does this song represent that whole ideal. The rhythms are driving and intense, alternating between 4/4, 5/5 and 7/4. The guitars slash and squeal and pure staccato fashion, but the Byrne's vocal performance is what really steals the show.

No doubt you've heard the old wive's tale that the meaning of the album's songs can be discerned by adding "Fear of..." to the song title and jeepers creepers, he sounds flat out terrified by them animals. I would consider recommending Byrne to a fine therapist after hearing this song, except for the fact that that would hinder his paranoid-writing abilities.

Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! "Animals want! To change my life! I will ignore! Animals' advice! They're never there when you need them! They're never there when you call them! They're never there when you need them! ...They're laughing at us! They don't even know what a joke is!"

Take it easy, brotha. Have some pineapple juice. The absolute genius transition occurs at 2:12, at which the guitars become even more twisted, and the David Byrne transforms into a madman of sorts, chanting a rather deranged verse that sends chills down my spine, it does. "They like to laugh at people! They're living on nuts and berries!"

And this is why "Animals" is my favorite Talking Heads song. Here's a funny video (No, it's not me, but it does make me chortle.)



2. "Once in a Lifetime" (1980): Alright, a few facts:
Fact one) For this list to be more accurate, at least half of the songs would have to be culled from "Remain in Light". It is, quite simply, one of the most delicious albums to ever land on Planet Earth, and towers supreme over all other Talking Heads albums. I would pay many to be squished into a Byrne/Eno sandwich with extra syrup. However, I felt like giving the other albums some due kudos, ya dig?
Fact two) You've heard this song many times. Any attempt from me to describe it would be utterly pointless.
Fact three) It's an extroadinary recording. Pop perfection to the eigth power.
Fact four) That echo effect on Byrne's voice at the end of the second verse is really cool.
Fact five) The average human consumes 24 pigs during his/her lifetime. You heard me, twenty-four times in a lifetime!

3. "Slippery People" (version from "Stop Making Sense") (1984): Here's the thing about "Stop Making Sense" - not only is it a fantastic live album, but I honestly feel that it improves on quite a few of the songs from "Speaking in Tongues". While "Speaking in Tongues" suffers from a rather bone-dry, dated production resulting from Eno's departure, "Stop Making Sense" brings many of these songs in a much more intense, vibrant manner. "Slippery People" is my textbook example of choice. On "Speaking in Tongues", the song was a bit plodding; the chorus always dragged too slow to really let loose the way Jesus intended. The live version speeds it up with a whole lotta energy, background vocals and creepy synths.

Do you like call-and-response choruses, baby?

-What's the matter with him?
-He's alright!
-How do you know?
-The lord won't mind!
-Oh, no no way!
-He's alright!
-Love from the bottom to the top!

ALRIGHT! THE LORD WON'T MIND! (It's the eighties, honepie, and this song will groove parts of your body you didn't know you had. But you do have them. The spleen, for example. Shit, you've heard of it?)

4. "The Great Curve" (1980): Holy shit. That is all.

5. "Dream Operator" (1986): For the most part, "True Stories" is a bland, forgettable piece of crap - a pale incarnation of the band that once performed "The Great Curve" (holy shit! that is all.). However, like most bland, forgettable pieces of crap by great bands, there's at least one treasure among the rubble, and "Dream Operator" is it. It's rather simple, really. Over a rolling 3/4 beat, four chords, and a carnival-esque piano tune, as Byrne kicks it about an operator of sorts, organizing the many dreams of the human race. Simple, yet effective, and I suppose that's all that really matters.

6. "With Our Love" (1978): I'm trying as hard as possible to represent nearly every album, yet still maintain an accurate list. "More Songs About Buildings and Food" represented two important aspects: (1) The true entry of Brian Eno into the Talking Heads' realm of existence and (2) a really fucking awesome album name. I actually nearly chose "I'm Not In Love" if only for that goddamn awesome guitar breakdown at the end, but "With Our Love" reigns supreme. A furious staccato rhythm grabs hold of the listener, as Byrne mumbles, yelps and squeals. A song that exists for no purpose other than greatness, and that's fine by me. Also, I love the way Byrne pronounces the word "I" about 2:20 in. In fact, I love all of Byrne's eccentric vocal tics and tantrums and I wouldn't hesitate to place him among my favorite vocalists of all time.


7. "This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody) (1983)" This song is absolutely gorgeous. Another simple melody (I suppose this is where the naivete comes in) driven by keyboard-horns and high-pitched synths.

Home - is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home - she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time Before we were born
If someone asks, this where I'll be . . . where I'll be

8. "Road to Nowhere" (1985) For the most part, "Little Creatures" deliver fine pop songs - nothing mindblowing, but it's a fine album for 80's pop, nonetheless. This song is the true keeper to be found, though. The song actually gives a sensation of movement with the military drums and Byrne does a fine job of wrapping up "Little Creatures" on a sensitive note. And by sensitive, I clearly mean that it features an accordian and it doesn't sound like "Animals". Worth hearing.


9. "I Zimbra" (1979( I hear Brian Eno knocking on the door. I hear Brian Eno entering the studio. Brian Eno makes his presence known. Hi, Brian Eno! Can I touch your shiny head?

GADJI BERI BIMBA CLANDRIDI
LAULI LONNI CADORI GADJAM
A BIM BERI GLASSALA GLANDRIDE
E GLASSALA TUFFM I ZIMBRA

BIM BLASSA GALASSASA ZIMBRABIM
BLASSA GLALLASSASA ZIMBRABIM

A BIM BERI GLASSALA GRANDRID
E GLASSALA TUFFM I ZIMBRA

GADJI BERI BIMBA GLANDRIDI
LAULI LONNI CADORA GADJAM
A BIM BERI GLASSASA GLANDRID
E GLASSALA TUFFM I ZIMBRA

Who the hell can argue with that?

10. "The Big Country" (1978)
I guess it's healthy, I guess the air is clean.
I guess those people have fun with their neighbors and friends.
Look at that kitchen and all of that food.
Look at them eat it' guess it tastes real good.

I guess something about this song really appeals to my gnome-like nature. Byrne describes gazing at the scenery out the window at the plane and, rather than being overwhelmed by Mother Nature's astounding beauty, he throws a hissy fit about how much he'd hate to live there! I dig it, and I dig the vaguely-country guitars and immediately-likeable melody. Another fine ending to another classic album.

"Shit on the ground! See in the dark!"