Best Albums By The Doors, Man!

I know about The Doors, and you all are just jealous. Why don’t you taste my knuckles sometime, booty face? I am here with you all of The Doors religious order just to make perfectly clear which albums in their discography are in fact the chosen ones, so have your furry little rump a look-see…


The Doors: Ah, yes! The self-titled debut! Who could forget those golden schoolgirl days of yore? One certainly knows that I cannot, and thanks in part to this wonderful album released early in 1967. “Break On Through (To The Other Side)”, why thank you, Jim, I believe I shall! This record has got mad Bossa Nova jazz beats that make my marvelous back fat quiver in absolute amazement, in short, I am perpetually all a tingle! Funny thing about this record as well is the simple fact that Jimbo and friends don’t come off like macho hard rockin’ dorks, but rather, are somewhat more closer to Bubblegum Pop but with a slight psychotic streak, if you will. My personal favorite cut is “The Crystal Ship,” and this is mainly due to the fact that I am rather sappy and easily delighted by a quality crooned vocal performance. We all know that Robbie Krieger wrote “Light My Fire,” and indeed, girl, we couldn’t hope to get much higher!


Strange Days: A Kick boner sequel to the epic debut, and released later in the same year (quite fucking prolific, correct?). Strange Days really sets off the mood for The Doors during this early stage in their Psychedelic business career, as all is well, strange. I must say that the darkness factor is quite present on this record as well. You get some eerie backwards organ action by uppity keyboardist Raymond Daniel Manzarek (Born 2/12/39) on the whimsical and tripped out “Unhappy Girl.” And for my dollars, “When The Music’s Over” is a superior album closer compared to “The End” which closed out the debut. Something that makes this album slightly superior to the debut as well is the simple fact that there are no awkward Surf Rock numbers…


The Soft Parade: Don’t fault these college graduates (at least two of them) for being ambitious, it’s in the blood! The Soft Parade is so painfully underrated that sometimes Thurston Moore even wipes his kick ass Punker buttocks with it. The Soft Parade as a song is a very curious and complex little number, and appropriately, the album closer. This is a song that clearly puts The Doors at very much the forefront of the emerging Jazz Rock sounds of the late ‘60’s, basically right up there with Mr. Zappa and his band of expert players. The Soft Parade does contain a few clunkers, no question, but with wacky Rock cuts like “Wild Child,” who could ask for more? The big hit on this record was again written by the frizzy-haired guitarist, and I’m talking about “Touch Me,” man! A tune that got me through some difficult times in Vietnam, believe it.

So, there it is, do with this information what you will, but never doubt me or The Doors faithful, because we know exactly where you live and may very well be dropping by with a pamphlet or two. Realize your maximum potential and buy these records, you’ll be glad you did. And while doubters might be very well shocked that I skipped over latter day greats like Morrison Hotel and LA Woman, simple fact is that I prefer The Doors Psychedelic experience with a touch of Jazz rather than Blues, and perhaps the less said about Waiting For The Sun the better…

This is the end?

Sonic Youth Vs. The Doors

Say what you will about the Lizard King, but he is far more Punk than Kim Gordon could ever hope to be. At least Jim Morrison was a feminist on a mission, and very much interested in equal rights for squirrels. Most importantly of all, The Doors collectively as a band always supported their local scene and published more 'zines than Larry Flynt on payday, oh my brothers and only friends. Take that Thurston Moore! Your Ecstatic Peace label is a waste of time. I mean this sincerely, Mr. Moore. Why waste your time producing some musical rubbish by a clan of geeks known as Pagoda? What the hell is your problem, my friend? Answer me. For those of you deaf to musical hubris and asexual tendencies, Pagoda is a "band" led by the talentless actor and former drug addict Michael Pitt, perhaps some of my younger readers remember him best as some random dork wasting space in a sexy little romp that failed miserably at the box office entitled The Village.

Don't get me wrong, though. The Doors did sell out a little movement in music they call Punk. Of course, this was after they invented it. For, you see, there would be no Ramones without The Doors. FACT! That's just how it is. As for Sonic Youth, all they ever offered persons with a musical ear is nothing more than a lengthy discography full of rubbish. The rampant heterophobia that exists in the Sonic Youth camp is unforgivable forever and ever. Kurt Cobain died because Thurston Moore scuffed up his ultra hip Converse sneakers one gray April morn. I totally shat you not, my friends. I would never shat you in any instance. Back to The Doors being superior to Sonic Youth, just think of a little song called "People Are Strange," which is really more than a song if you take the time to really think about it, as it is more so a universal fact! I get so angry with Sonic Youth fans and their respective Grunge garb. What are they trying to prove? Who's baby are they sitting exactly? IS IT YOURS? IS IT!

Some may say that Oliver Stone's movie ruined The Doors precious legacy, and this is true to an extent. Of course, a little band called The Doors of the 21st Century did not help things much either, with the repulsive former lead singer of The Cult doing his best Val Kilmer impersonation on vocal duties. For goodness sake, give me a break already! The Doors keyboard maestro Ray Manzarek has done so much damage to the band's legacy by constantly referring to Jimbo as some sort of spiritual leader sent to Earth from another planet to help us all be at peace with the Troll People. This is Barbershop Quartet bliss, is it not? I am honestly at the end of a very short rope and all is uneasy all up in my jockey shorts this fantasy-driven evening. I do apologize for my wordplay, but it is difficult for me to fully explain just how awful Sonic Youth truly is. I can't think of a single catchy song, all of it is just a terrible racket to my cute little ears. And is it just me, or does Kim Gordon look like an anorexic scarecrow?

Clearly, the creatively fertile late '60's made for some musical bliss. The Doors released a total of six studio albums that took them to the year 1971, which was when Morrison caught his death in a Paris bathtub. My main concern amongst the music elite is the sad legacy The Doors have had thrust upon them in recent years. My advice to you is to view them within the context of their respective time and place. Don't give me any of your Riot Grrrl rewritings of history, because I refuse to read it! Rock out to the Robby Krieger(Doors guitarist and sometimes songwriter)jam "Light My Fire" and free your little Hipster mind before it is too late. Toss your copy of "Sonic Nurse" and replace it with "The Soft Parade." We all know that the very best music is often times released on a major label, excluding Sonic Youth, of course. For you see, Sonic Youth is music for a shabby lifestyle, as where the music of The Doors is music for the music fan. What other band in the history of bandom(just made up that word)can you think of who has mingled Jazz and Rock and Electric Blues tendencies so deliciously other than Jim Morrison and his world famous Doors experience? Excluding Frank Zappa and Captain Beefheart, obviously.

Do keep in mind that The Doors really did cut loose live with their Acid Rock drenched improvisational techniques, as where Sonic Youth are perpetual lifeless zombies playing badly out-of-tune stringed instruments. Now, I am going to leave you with something to think about, cadets. I want you to compare and contrast the intellectual prowess of Mr. Mojo Rising Morrison up against an epic fraud affectionately referred to as Thurston. Enjoy!

Clinical Intelligence:



Clinical Narcissism: